I'm a deep thinker to a fault. I am up late at night just thinking about everything... and wondering if everyone else questions things as thoroughly as I do. How many people just go through their routine.. their day-to-day.. without questioning it.. without wondering? I guess I have never been 'normal'... I'm still unsure of what I want to be when I grow up. I went to college without an agenda.. just did it because I was supposed to. Jess always knew she wanted to be a teacher, get married, and have babies. When she fell in love with photography she instantly took on that goal as well (with the help of her wonderful husband, TJ... side note: I apologize to all husbands in advance for advertising how well-rounded and helpful TJ happens to be.. I realize that he is breaking man-code by raising standards).
Sometimes I just feel so different that I can't quite relate. It boggles my mind when I think how many people just know what they want to do with their lives. When you're not on track...in the place society thinks you're supposed to be when you're supposed to be there... you start to let self-doubt creep in from time to time. Why don't I know what I want out of life yet? Why am I almost 29 with no kids and no house? Why, why, why... I completely relate to Clara (Jess & TJ's two year old) when she follows every single thing with 'tell me why'. Clara, you can't stand on the table. "Tell me why," she exclaims with that contentious look on her face that she gives me so often. Clara, you can't walk up the stairs in your Elsa heels.. "Tell me why!" Clara, you can't dump your cereal on the floor just because you're done with it... "Tell me why!" ....I get it, Clara.
Sometimes I find myself envious of those with such settled lives.. everything is seemingly figured out.. on the 'right' track. Other times I am grateful that I still have no idea.. it can be kind of exhilarating. I have the opportunity to explore so many avenues right now. I'm truly enjoying working with my sister & TJ at the photography studio. I am looking forward to bringing in my artistic abilities to create unique backdrops and props for photo shoots. I do sincerely believe that things happen for a reason.. but that still doesn't calm the 'tell me why' that resounds in my head.. and in my ear every time I say anything to Clara.