You may have heard of the five love languages. There is a book that goes into detail about these languages, and helps you figure out what makes certain people (including yourself) feel loved. The five love languages are acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving of gifts, quality time and physical touch.
If you are unsure of your love language, try to think of how you show love. If you want your loved one to know how much you care for them do you plan one-on-one time? Do you clean the house? Do you verbalize what they mean to you? Do you hug and kiss them? Do you buy them a special gift? Answering these questions should direct you to your love language. There is a flaw in this. The way you feel loved is likely not be the same as your loved one. You need to take the time to pinpoint their love language, and make an effort to show them in that way, even if you don't understand.
Jess 100% feels most loved with acts of service. I could tell her how wonderful I think she is, or buy her something and it would not have a tenth of the value as an act of service. This is why for her birthday I organized her closet and storage room. This is why Jess is so happy today while TJ works on decorating the twins' room. She feels loved.
It is my natural instinct to make someone feel loved with words. My love language is words of affirmation. It's crazy how far an 'atta boy' will go for me. You could buy me a car, and I wouldn't feel nearly as loved as if you told me why you think I'm special. The more detail, the better. This is why I value people like Jessica Nolletti so very much. She has verbalized more than once that she enjoys my blog, and thinks I'm a good writer. If I was a puppy my tail would be wagging every time I read a compliment... I guess a puppy can't read.. that was a weird way to put it.. but you get it.
TJ also thrives on words of affirmation. This is difficult for Jess to understand. Saying nice things seems so easy.. how would that make someone feel loved? It just does. You don't have to understand it, but you do have to be aware. You will save yourself time and feelings of being unappreciated if you use their love language instead of trying to insist upon your own. If someone's love language is receiving gifts, and they try to buy me a gift to show love, they may end up feeling unappreciated. Gifts are short lived with me. It's not that I don't appreciate it, I am always very grateful..I just need to maybe hear why you wanted to buy me a gift. I urge you to not let these statements deter you from buying me gifts. I do like gifts.
So now you know how to make us feel loved. You want to make TJ's day? I'll show you how. TJ, I think you are the best brother-in-law in the whole world. You have truly had an immeasurable influence on my life. Our whole family is blessed beyond words to have you. You are thoughtful, talented, intelligent, respectable, hard working, giving and everything a man of God should be.
Jess, I'm going to clean the bathrooms and the floors today.